River

I sit by a mighty river, born of glaciers far above. The hills rise around me cloaked in pine and fir. The very air has spirit, crisp, invigorating, filling me with an emotion I cannot describe. The river crashes and tumbles through rapids downstream,that churn its blue green waters into white foam. And then it calms down, becoming idyllic, a peaceful mass of turquoise and lapis lazuli. Cliffs rise around it far ahead, blocks of mountain eroded by the river. Her banks are a sheet of soft white sands that catch the sun and sparkle. I step onto the rocks by her edge, warmed by the sun, watching her flow by me. Once, I rafted in this river. I drop a leaf, the color of sunset into her waters and watch it being carried away.
Beyond rise the mountains that gave birth to her, their summits cloaked in snow.
As she flows she will come to civilization. And her waters will no more be pure.

 I think of another river, so large, so expansive that you might mistake her for a lake.So deep that she bore dolphins. Her waters were the purest, and she was worshiped for it, believed to cleanse the sins of whoever bathed in her. But then there came a time that she was given impurity beyond her capacity to cleanse. Her worship turned into a curse for her. She is yet revered. Her powers prevent her from becoming like the rivers of my city, so bogged down by human decadence that they can barely be called rivers anymore.

Michael Meets Mozart - 1 Piano, 2 Guys, 100 Cello Tracks - The Piano Guys

Tomorrow is always a better day. And nothing can make me cheer up like ThePianoGuys. I aspire to be as good someday. *sigh* 
Have you had those days where you just can't seem to get out of a bad mood? Music is my way of getting out of it. Music and sleep.

Communicators

So, I've been thinking.  All around me people are doing awesome things with their lives. While sit at home and read about muscles and nerves and arteries. Which, I suppose, will help me do awesome things later on in life, but I want to do something now. Later on, a lot of people will be doing the same awesome thing I am doing. The others will have proceeded.

Kids my age are brilliant photographers( I think it's quite the 'in'thing to be a dedicated photographer these days) when I lost the only camera I had half a year ago and rely on my phone's ( and my) crappy photograph taking abilities.

Friends are getting published and paid for it.

Being wonderful musicians, for their age.

Brilliant speakers who can debate me out of anything.

Above all they're good communicators. 

So I'm going to do my best to be one.

Starting with, a blog post everyday.

Hymn to Isis

For I am the first and the last

I am the venerated and the despised

I am the prostitute and the saint

I am the wife and the virgin

I am the mother and the daughter

I am the arms of my mother

I am barren and my children are many

I am the married woman and the spinster

I am the woman who gives birth and she who never procreated

I am the consolation for the pain of birth

I am the wife and the husband

And it was my man who created me

I am the mother of my father

I am the sister of my husband

And he is my rejected son

Always respect me

For I am the shameful and the magnificent one

discovered in Nag Hammadi, 1947

Resolutions

It's been a long time since I last posted. Last week has been a haze of depression, tiredness, and alcohol.Alright, maybe I made that sound more melodramatic than it actually was was. A lot of the depression was from hormones. Or the lack of them. And the alcohol was just two nights, which were good times with good friends.
But I wasn't kidding about the tired bit. Not so much physically as mentally. Just as I feel like I'm settling, like I'm getting better at dealing with life. I get knocked down again. Usually, it's something minor. I end up taking it to heart and and suddenly, there I am on my knees again. I keep trying, but somehow it''s never enough for myself.
One good thing about the week? I've learnt to face myself. Learnt to understand what I am doing wrong. Got out of my comfort zone. Now comes getting around it.
 I have this tendency to judge myself about everything. I end up being my own worst critic. Imagine if you had a person in your head all the time constantly judging every action you take. Yeah, it sucks. Another problem with being this way is that when I do make mistakes, instead of accepting the mistake, I end up blaming someone else, or denying I made the mistake or trying to push it out of my head. Because if I accept the mistake, I will beat myself up black and blue. Mistakes are made to learn from;and there is no such thing a problem without a gift in its hands. I lose the gift, and make the mistake.
New year's resolution, go easier on myself. Today when I was beating myself up over the fact that I had forgotten to pick up some things I needed today, my best friend told me to calm down. My world wasn't going to fall apart if didn't get everything done in a day. I don't have to be perfect all the time, because it's impossible. People make mistakes. It's only human.And guess what, my world didn't fall apart. I cancelled music lessons, didn't get yelled at, got the rest I really needed, spent some quality time with myself ,caught up with a few old friends and ate chocolate.
My own personal peace of mind should, sometimes, take precedence over everything else. 

Beginnings

It is a Sunday afternoon the day I begin to work on my blog. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time. And I am almost surprised at how easy it is. 

Outside it is cold and the tips of my fingers and toes feel the chill. Today is Makar Sankranti, the day the Sun passes into Capricorn. The days will grow longer from on now and hopefully the nights will grow warmer. It is queer, how when I am going about Life in general, there are so many words float into my head, but when I sit down, and try to put them on paper or print, they float back out and none suggest themselves to me. 
I want  this blog to be a place people can find bits of themselves in, because I am a collage of so many different moods, temperaments and colors. Everyone is. So this first post shall be a collage. Apologies to those who would take offense at the scattering of thoughts and ideas. That is often how my head works.

I want this blog to be a place for people to lose themselves in. There is nothing quite so delightful as losing yourself in another world built up of words crafted and woven together well. It is a delight to weave words too. I have often re read my old diaries to find the girl that once was, the one that still is and the one that may be in the future.
I want this blog to be a place of repose and of inspiration. A place of the joys and sorrows of everyday life. Of finding myself, and also of creating myself.

"Where the mind is without fear, and the head is held high.

....Where words come out of the depth of truth

Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection."

Tagore is one of my favorite poets. 

I am learning to let go of fear.